


Am I Broken?

by Pippyville



Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: Angst, Cole is a good friend, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Tagging, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trauma, Zane needs a hug, self harm trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:40:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26059636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pippyville/pseuds/Pippyville
Summary: Zane is frightened after his rule in the Never Realm, and his friends are worried about him.
Relationships: P.I.X.A.L./Zane (Ninjago)
Comments: 27
Kudos: 75





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is inspired by a beautiful piece of artwork on Tumblr by Spinchip. I'll link it at the end. This is also my first Ninjago fic, so...there's that. 
> 
> Also, trigger warning for robotic self harm and major PTSD.

_You killed hundreds of people_

“No. No, it was Vex-”

_Vex did not control your actions. You killed them all. You hurt the ninja._

_“I am your loyal advisor-”_

Zane screwed his eyes shut, clapping his hands over his ears with the loud clang of metal on metal. It echoed in his mind, the only thing louder was the voice of Vex and the scream of the people trapped in ice.

His breathing hitched, “No...No, please…” 

_“He is the Ice Emperor, and you will obey or perish-”_

“Zane?” 

Zane looked up at Jay, who held his hands up.

“Zane, hey. Calm down, take a deep breath. You’re okay, you’re home-” Jay was cut off as Zane shrieked, crumpling to the floor as he saw Vex reach for him. 

“Don’t touch me!!” he cried, curling up and squeezing his eyes shut once again. _Obey or perish, obey or perish, obey or perish, obey or perish, obey or perish-_

“O-Okay, okay, I won’t touch you!” Jay’s voice was nervous as it broke through the onslaught of thoughts. “Just...Melt the ice, please?”

Zane’s eyes opened and he looked back at the lightning ninja. His heart sank as his eyes focused on Jay. The boy was trapped, his arm locked in black ice. He looked wide-eyed and scared for a moment, trying to yank himself free.

_Will you ever be stopped?_

Zane stared, horrified at himself. Black ice, like the Ice Emperor’s. No, like his. He felt a shudder run through his body as Jay started to speak.

“It’s okay! I’m not hurt, you didn’t hurt me, Zane!” Jay said, his voice nervous. “I’m fine, you’re okay too, I-”

“I-” Zane started, noticing a rip in Jay’s sleeve. Blood trickled down the ice, stark red against the black. Zane screamed, “No! Please-I didn’t mean too! I didn’t want-” he stood up shakily and ran.

He ran as fast as he could, slamming into walls and open doors. He felt tears run down his face.

“Zane?” Kai opened the door as the ice ninja rushed by. 

Zane paid him no mind, running to his room and slamming the door. He crumpled to the floor and screamed, holding his head as he felt more black ice escape his body. He curled up and tried to stop, but his body convulsed as memories flooded his processor again. It seemed like hours later when he heard the door creak open, but it couldn’t have been more than a few moments. He curled up tighter, waiting for the others to scream at him. To yell at him, to hurt him, to do _something._

He felt a warm hand on his shoulder and flinched, holding his hands up to guard against the person in front of him. Nya was on her knees, a look of concern on her face. Cole and Kai stood behind her, with Jay and Lloyd behind them. Black ice filled the room. 

_You’re going to hurt them again._

“Stop- Get away!” Zane cried out, scooting back against the wall. “G-get away!”

“Zane, it’s okay.” Cole said, “We’re not gonna hurt you.”

“I-I’ll hurt y-you!” Zane held his hands close to his body, trying to quell the voices and the feeling of cold. “Go away b-before I hurt you!”

“Zane, we know you wouldn’t hurt us.” Nya gently scooted closer, but backed up when he flinched again. “Zane…”

Zane shook violently, his gi holding no warmth against his metal skin. He shook his head “No...No, go away...I’ll hurt y-you…I hurt-I hurt J-Jay and I’ll-”

Nya looked at the others, who looked as lost as she was. Jay stepped closer, “Zane, buddy. You didn’t hurt me. It was a small scratch, that’s all. We get them in training all the time. I’m fine, you didn’t hurt anyone.”

Zane pulled his hood over his face, “Go, please.”

“Zane-” Kai started.

“G-Go!”

The ninja looked at each other as Nya whispered, “Okay. Okay, we’re going.” She motioned for the others to leave as she stood up, hushing their protests. They all walked out, leaving Zane in his room alone.

“Why’d we leave?” Jay asked, turning to his girlfriend, “He’s our friend, we can’t let him suffer alone!”

“He needs space, Jay.” Nya said, tears in her eyes, “He just needs space. He’s afraid of hurting us, so I don’t think having us in the same room helps. We’ll wait until he’s calmed down, maybe Pixal and Wu will be back from the store by then and can help.”

Kai dragged a hand down his face, “Why is he so scared?”

It was Lloyd that answered, “He’s been like that since the Never Realm. Not _that_ bad, but…”

It was quiet for a moment as his words sunk in. 

“He thinks he’s going to become the Ice Emperor again, doesn’t he?” Jay asked quietly, looking at the small bloody scratch on his arm. “He thinks he’s being controlled again.”

“Shit.” Cole hissed, kicking the wall, “shit, shit, _shit_ -!”

“Cole, hey.” Lloyd grabbed his arm, “Chill out, that’s not gonna help him.”

“Why’s it always him?” Cole sat down on the floor.

“What do you mean?” Nya asked, sitting down with him. The others followed her lead.

“He’s always the one that gets hurt!” Cole ran a hand through his hair, looking angry, “He’s been through so much shit! I mean, we all have, but Zane’s been through so much more than the rest of us! Mr. E. nearly killed him, he’s constantly being attacked for his ‘spare parts’, he lost his dad twice, he got stuck in the Never Realm for First Spinjitzu Master knows how long and thought he was an evil emperor because he lost his memories, not to mention the one time his body _exploded and he died!_ ”

Cole panted after his mini-rant as Jay glanced at Nya, “...he really has been through a lot.”

“And we’re a part of the whole mess.” Kai growled.

“What do you mean?” Jay asked.

Kai bit his lip, “I mean...we haven’t exactly helped, have we? We always treated him differently, since we first met him. I mean, before Lloyd was even a part of our group.”

“Huh?” Lloyd looked confused.

“Before we knew he was a robot.” Kai explained, “We...kinda treated him like garbage. I don’t think we meant too, but he acted weird, so we just….pushed him away. After we found out, I don’t know if it got better or worse. We never talked about it. It’s like when he had nightmares about the Never Realm and we ignored him, told him they were just dreams. He’s never had the chance to talk to anyone, not really.”

“I mean...he has Pixal.” Nya said quietly. 

“He didn’t always. And you know how Zane is, he wouldn’t want to dump all of that baggage on one person.” Cole sighed, looking at the nindroid’s door. It was covered in black frost. “I dunno.”

“Blaming ourselves isn’t going to help Zane.” Lloyd said, standing up, “Maybe one of us can go inside and talk to him. Not me, I might trigger something.”

“I probably shouldn’t either.” Jay said, nodding, “He’s scared of hurting us, and he scratched me a little.”

“I’m not a good idea either.” Kai mumbled, “Not good with...emotional stuff.”

“I’ll do it.” Cole said, taking Lloyd’s offered hand. “Maybe I can ground him.”

No one mentioned the accidental pun, so Cole knew they were really worried.

_“You are the Ice Emperor, ruler of this realm.”_

_“I am?”_

_“Of course. Here is your scepter.”_

“No, you’re not!” Zane rocked himself, trying to get out of his memories. 

_“You were cast out of your home by warriors who took it for themselves! But now that you’re awake, perhaps we can reclaim it.”_

“Stop!” Zane opened his eyes and slammed his head against the wall, “Stop, please!”

_“Would you advise me to do so?”_

_“Most certainly.”_

Crying out, Zane grabbed a panel on his arm and yanked it open, exposing the wires underneath. He grabbed a handful of them, not caring what they did, and pulled. Error warnings popped up in his vision, but he dismissed them, tearing out wire after wire quietly, silent sobs wracking his body.

A knock on the door made him jerk, and he realized what he was doing. He desperately tried to shove the wires back inside, but as the door opened he knew he couldn't in time. Cole’s voice cut through the voices in his head.

“Hey, Zane, buddy.” He closed the door, “Can we talk?”

Zane said nothing, holding his arm under his shirt as Cole sat down in front of him. 

Cole looked around the room, taking in the black ice. “You know, it’s okay to be scared.” he said after a moment, looking back at Zane. The Nindroid pressed his lips together.

“P-please Cole.” his voice was quiet and wobbly, “Leave me alone. I don't w-want to hurt you.”

“Zane, you’d never hurt anyone. I know you.” Cole scooted closer, “Jay is fine, it’s like he said. Just a little scratch, we’ve had worse training with each other.”

Zane curled up tighter, “I-I hurt s-so many people…”

“That wasn’t your fault.” Cole touched Zane’s knee, relieved that he didn’t flinch, “You had amnesia, you were doing what you were told to do. Vex-”

Zane pressed his hand onto Cole’s mouth, his eyes wide, “P-please. Don’t say his name.”

Cole gently guided his friend’s hand down, “Okay, okay, I won’t. I’m sorry. But- wait.” he frowned, looking at Zane’s arm. “Zane, what happened?”

“I-” Zane’s systems ran cold as he remembered his ripped arm. He yanked his hand away, but it was too late.

“Zane, who did that to you?” Cole asked, concern lacing his voice. Zane shrank away, fear in his bright eyes. Cole looked from Zane’s shaking fingers to the ground where the wires were strewn about. Realization hit him like a truck and he gasped.

Zane shook harder, “I-I’m s-sorry!”

“Zane, I-” Cole took a deep breath, “Can I hold you?”

Zane shook his head, “You’ll g-get hurt!”

Cole touched Zane’s hand, “You wouldn’t hurt me. I know you won’t. It’s okay, everything’s going to be okay I promise.”

Zane looked around at the ice covered room and shivered, “What if-”

“No what if’s. It’s okay.” Cole gently wrapped his arms around the quivering nindroid, who shuddered violently in his arms. “Zane?” Cole gently ran his fingers through Zane’s hair.

Zane broke. 

Cole held him close as Zane grabbed onto his shirt and sobbed, his usual quite tears becoming louder than Cole had ever heard before. Zane pressed his face into the crook of Cole’s neck as he cried, and Cole noticed more of that black ice escaping the nindroid. He paid it no mind, gently shushing and comforting his friend.

Zane didn’t cry long, his sobs becoming hiccups in a matter of minutes as his grip on Cole’s jacket loosened. Briefly, Cole wondered how Zane could even get the hiccups before he pushed it to the back of his mind. Zane needs you right now.

Zane pushed away from Cole after a few minutes, curling back up against the wall. Cole grabbed Zane’s arm, his heart clenching as Zane gasped. “Jay or Nya should look at this. You’re hurt.”

“I’m okay.” Zane’s voice was small, and his eyes dim.

Cole sat next to him and draped his arm over Zane’s shoulders. Zane lay his head on Cole, closing his eyes. Cole messed around with Zane’s hair, pushing it around until he felt the nindroid fall limp against him. Zane had fallen asleep, his eyes closed and his breathing even.

Cole waited a few minutes for him to fall deeper into dreamland before picking him up and walking out of the room. 

He entered his own bedroom, messy when compared to Zane's, but not horrible, and placed his friend on the bed. He couldn’t have Zane sleeping in his own room with the ice and cold temperatures.

He left after a moment of checking Zane’s arm to make sure nothing vital was injured. He walked into the kitchen where the others were, “How’s Zane?” Kai immediately asked.   
Cole shrugged, “He’s...not great. But he’s not horrible either. He’s just working through some stuff. Jay, Nya, his arm is a little banged up, when he wakes up you might wanna check on him.”

Nya nodded, “I’ll do it”

“So...he’s going to be okay, right?” Lloyd asked, biting his lip.

Cole sighed and sat down, looking tired. “I don’t know.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zane doesn't get much better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I mean for this to become a multi-chapter fic with a plot?   
> No.  
> Is that what's happening?  
> Yes.

Zane screamed, bolting upright in his bed. His cooling fans clicked on as he shuddered, feeling more sobs start to come on. He pressed the blanket to his mouth to muffle them as he took deep breaths. He opened his eyes after a few moments and would have blanched if he was human. This wasn’t his room, this wasn’t his bed. Thoughts of his room in the castle flashed in front of his eyes and his breathing hitched again. 

He pulled at his hair, trying to calm down. Okay, think. Just look around, try and determine where you are. He took another deep breath and focused on the room. Brown blankets, a poster, weights...oh. Cole's room. 

Zane put his head in his hands, cursing himself for getting so worked up. It was his friend’s room, he was fine. 

“Why am I in Cole’s room?” He whispered to himself, frowning. He swung his legs over the bed and stood up, feeling a bit wobbly. He left the room after a moment of looking around.

As he wandered down the hallway, he heard someone call his name.

“Zane!” He turned around to see Pixal walking towards him. She had a small smile on her face. “How are you feeling?”

“I...I don’t know.” Zane answered honestly as she hugged him. He felt fear flash through his mind again. _You’ll hurt her, you’ll hurt her-_

“Zane? Are you okay?” Pixal asked as he pulled away.

“I’m…” Zane fiddled with his fingers, “Why was I in Cole’s room?”

“He put you in there after you froze your own room.” Pixal said, not mincing words. Zane frowned, quickly going to his own room and opening it up.

The same black ice was still in there, albeit melted a bit. He hated it, hated seeing the dark ice and the cracks along it. He just wanted to be free of his curse. He startled when Pixal put a hand on his shoulder. “Hey. It’s okay, you know. The others told me what happened.”

Zane sat down inside and closed the door. “Pixal...I-I’m scared.”

“Why?”

“What if I forget again? What if the Ice Emperor comes back and I can’t hold him off and I hurt someone?”

Pixal pulled him close, her voice gentle as she whispered, “You won’t. We all know you wouldn’t hurt anyone. You’re kind, and even when you couldn't remember you didn’t hurt anyone too bad.”

“I killed people, Pixal.” Zane hissed, “I froze and killed so many people, and...I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be bothering you with this.”

Pixal pressed her lips together in worry. “You always say that. You get so close to just talking about your problems and then...you just shut down. Zane, I’m here for you. I know what it’s like to be inside your head, I know how much you need to talk. And that was before the Never Realm.”

“I’m okay, really.” Zane said with a forced smile. Pixal took his hand, noticing him wince in pain.

“Your arm.” She changed the subject. 

Zane blinked down at his injured arm, like he had forgotten it was hurt. “It’s okay. It’s just a small injury.”

“I know it’s small. That’s not what’s concerning me.”

“Then what-”

“Cole told me...he said you did it to yourself.” Pixal waited, trying to judge if she had gone too far.

Zane just leaned against her, “I just...had a bad moment.”

“What if you have another? What if it’s worse?” Pixal cupped his face, “I don’t think I could stand losing you.”

“I’m not going to-” Zane bit his tongue. “I’m okay.”

“Zane, I think you should talk to someone. If not me, maybe Sensei Wu or Cole. We’re all worried about you.”

“I’m fine, Pixal.” Zane sighed, “I just need to be alone for now, is that alright?”

Pixal sighed, “Yes. It’s alright, I’ll leave. Just consider talking to us every now and again, okay?”

Zane nodded, “Okay.”

Pixal kissed him softly on the cheek before she left, her heart shattering as she watched him curl up before she closed the door.

“Hey Pix.” Nya greeted her friend as she opened the door to the girl’s shared room. “Where have you been?”

“Zane’s room. He’s awake again.” Pixal said, sitting down on her bed. “I’m worried about him.”

“How is he?”

“I don’t really know.” Pixal rubbed her eyes, “You know how he is. He bottles everything up, and I’ve never heard him spill over. He’s still hurt too, but I don’t think he’ll let anyone see him right now.”

“I’m so used to him being the strong, level headed one.” Nya said, sitting on her own bed, “I used to think nothing could ever get to him.”

“I think over sixty years in the Never Realm would get to anyone.” Pixal sighed, “We need to help him. I don’t know how but...We do.”

“I’ll fix his arm later, when he’s calmed down a bit.” Nya promised, “We can go from there.”

“I hope we can help him.” Pixal said, closing her eyes.

“Me too Pix.” Nya nodded, “Me too.”

It was only an hour later when Zane made an appearance. The Ninja were all sitting in the living room talking in low voices as he entered. Lloyd saw him first, “Zane!”

The others turned their heads and greeted the nindroid, stopping what they were doing.

“How do you feel, Zane?” Cole asked, patting a spot next to him on the couch.

Zane didn’t take it, instead standing awkwardly in the doorway, “I am fine. I simply wanted to make sure you all knew it, so you didn’t worry.”

“Wait, you’re not gonna stay here?” Jay asked, cocking his head, “We’re gonna turn on a movie.”

“I’d rather not.” Zane covered his arm, “Ah, Nya?”

“Hm?”

“Would you..um...” He bit his tongue, wondering why he couldn't just ask for her help. Nya seemed to understand.

“Alright, you guys turn on a movie, I’ll go help Zane, ‘kay?” The others agreed, and Nya gently grabbed Zane’s hand, “Let’s go.”

The trip to the shared workplace was silent, with Nya glancing at Zane every now and again, worry clear in her face. Zane watched as Nya prepared her tools and sat down next to him.

“I apologize for causing trouble.” Zane murmured as Nya opened his arm panel.

“It’s no trouble, Zane.” Nya gave him a small smile.

Zane returned it, but it was strained. “Not this, although I suppose it’s a bit bothersome as well. I mean...last night.”

“Zane, you were frightened.” Nya grabbed a red wire and connected it, “We all do strange things when we’re scared. No one was hurt, so there’s nothing to apologize for. Even if someone was hurt there wouldn't be a need.”

Zane winced as Nya connected a wire wrong and it sparked. “Even so. I caused trouble for you all.”

“You didn’t. We’re a family, and families are there for each other when you need them. You’re hurting, we understand that.”

Zane looked at his feet, “I…”

“I’m not going to force you to do anything.” Nya said, messing with a gear, “But you should talk to someone. Maybe we could get you a therapist.”

Zane shook his head, “That won’t be necessary.”

“Then maybe talk to one of us?” Nya took her pliers out and cut a severed copper wire.

“I talk to Pixal.”

“So she’s said.” Nya smiled apologetically as Zane bit back a noise of pain, “Sorry, I hit the inside of the panel.”

“It’s alright.” Zane recovered quickly, “Then why do you insist-?”

“She’s said you talk to her until you don’t. You bottle things up. That’s not healthy.”

Zane was quiet for a moment, “I’m not human, things that apply to you most likely don’t to me.”

“You’re human on the inside, Zane.” Nya replaced a green wire with a blue one, “You’re just as kind and caring, but that means you can hurt the same way humans do too.”

Zane closed his eyes, “I suppose.”

“There.” Nya sealed the metal shut, “You’re good to go.”

“Thank you.” Zane rubbed his arm, noticing the small wield lines across it. “You did a good job, as usual.”

“Zane?” Nya asked, offering her hand to help him stand up, “Please, just talk to someone. Everyone is worried about you.”

“I’m sorry.” Zane mumbled.

Nya gave him a quick squeeze, “You don’t have to be.”

Zane spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning the ice out of his room. Cole offered to help, but Zane insisted he could do it himself. The black ice caused quite a few memories to surge forward, but he pushed them back and focused on his task.

It was evening when Jay knocked on the door. “Hey buddy.” He said, entering the room and looking around, “You did good.”

“Thank you.” Zane pressed his lips together as his gaze fell on Jay’s bandaged arm. 

“It doesn't hurt.” Jay tried to keep his voice cheerful as he noticed, “Besides, now we match!”

Zane rubbed his own arm, “I suppose.”

“You doin’ alright?” 

“I am fine.” Zane was getting tired of everyone asking the same questions. “As I have told the others.”

Jay nodded, “You need any help with anything?”

“No, thank you.” Zane started hearing the whispers again and squeezed his eyes shut. “I’m fine.”

“If you’re sure…” Jay sighed, “Well, just tell me if you need anything, okay? Wu said you should come out later. Movie night.”

“Did you not just watch a movie?” Zane asked, trying to change the subject.

“Not with you.” Jay said, “You don’t have to though. Just passing on the message.”

“Thank you.” Zane inclined his head, his face fighting to stay neutral as more memories poured into his mind with the setting sun.

“No prob.” Jay awkwardly chuckled, “I’ll uh...get going then. See you later.”

Zane nodded as Jay left the room. He started doing mundane tasks, trying to keep his mind focused. Make the bed, refold clothes, sop up the melted water, start the washing machine…

He lay down on his bed, looking at his ceiling. He felt cold, which was odd. He was a robot, and the master of ice. He shouldn’t feel cold. He wrapped himself in a thick blanket anyways, noticing that it did nothing. He pressed himself into the mattress, trying to make himself sleep, but it wouldn’t come. He curled up as the sky darkened, trying to stop the memories as he began to shiver.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team is worried, and Zane's not getting better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be aware that this chapter has a little it of a Self Harm trigger warning. It's just talked about a little, nothing actually happens.

Zane sat on top of the monastery, his eyes closed. The wind whistled through his hair, creating a calming feeling against his metal skin. He opened his eyes and looked at his hand, concentrating on forming a large snowflake. He grimaced as the snowflake emerged, black as the rest of the ice he’d been creating. He didn’t understand it, why couldn’t he just create normal ice? Why couldn’t he just go back to Zane?

He crushed the snowflake and brought his legs up to his chest, sighing. It was early morning, the sun just beginning to rise over the trees. He watched the sun cast a faint yellow glow over the snow, slowly creeping up the monastery. 

White snow. 

Zane frowned as he felt a surge of grief fill his heart. He shouldn't be sad, that didn’t make sense. He looked over the glimmering white ice and he felt like he was missing something. The Never Realm? No, he didn’t want to go back, not ever. 

And yet…

“Zane.” Wu’s voice cut through his thoughts, “May I join you?” Zane nodded, watching his Sensei sit down next to him. The man had two cups of steaming tea in his hands, and he gave one to Zane.

“Sensei, I don’t need to drink anything.” Zane said quietly.

“That doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy it.” Wu shrugged, “It is cold out, even a master of ice can tell that much. I don’t want you to freeze.”

Zane decided against telling Wu that he couldn’t get cold, and instead sipped his tea. It was pleasant, some kind of flower. He shut down the program that wanted to analyze it, instead just enjoying the sweet drink.

“You are troubled.” Wu said after a few moments, looking at his pupil.

“I am alright, Sensei.” Zane watched the tea slosh around in his cup, “I am just...tired.”

“Tired of what?”

“Can I not simply be tired?” Zane asked, blinking up at the older man. “Do I need a reason?”

“Of course not.” Wu stroked his beard thoughtfully, “Although, a nindroid such as yourself would probably need more of a reason than the rest of us.”

“A nindroid such as myself…” Zane mumbled, taking another sip of his tea.

Wu studied him for a moment. Zane had always been exceptionally hard to read, his body posture and facial expressions always neutral. But today he had small cracks in his emotional armor, ones that wouldn’t seem strange to most, but to Wu were concerning. The way his eyes were half-lidded, the way he stared at nothing, the way his fingers twined together nervously. Wu was fond of the boy, and it saddened him to think that he was distressed.

Zane coughed awkwardly, “I suppose you want to talk about yesterday.”

“Not if you don’t want to.” Wu said, softening his voice, “But I believe that you should address it at some point. You don’t want this to fester inside of you, that will only lead you down a path of sorrow.”

Zane hesitated, “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Wu sighed and looked to the sun, simply sitting with his pupil.

Pixal hummed as she washed the dishes. She heard the familiar tap of Wu’s pole and turned, “Hello, Sensei.”

“Good afternoon.” Wu dipped his head, “May I help you?”

Pixal looked puzzled, “But it’s my turn for dish duty.” 

“I insist.” Wu took a hand towel off of the oven and started drying the clean dishes. Pixal shrugged and went back to her own job. All was quiet for a few moments, before Pixal sighed.

“I’m worried about Zane.” She said, handing another clean plate to her sensei. “Although I guess you knew that already. That’s why you asked to help, isn’t it?”

Wu nodded, “Yes. I knew that the others wouldn’t want to come inside and risk getting roped into chores, so it’s a somewhat private place.”

“As private as anywhere in this place.” Pixal laughed. Her face turned somber quickly, “What do we do?”

“About Zane?” At Pixal’s nod, Wu stroked his beard, “He is frightened. I’m unsure if we can do anything past offering comfort.”

“He won’t accept that.” Pixal stopped the water, turning to the older man, “You know how he is. He won’t talk, he won't let people near him, except for maybe Cole. I just...I wish I could do something for him. I wish I could just take the pain away.”

“As do I.” Wu took her hand, “The Never Realm was just another pain on top of his stacks upon stacks. That boy has been through so much, and none of us cared to say anything. I believe it is high time that we start listening to his pain.”

“Was Zane like this before I met him? Constantly getting himself in trouble, I mean.”

“That depends on your definition of trouble.” Wu smiled warmly, “He and the others were young and excited. They got into trouble together, but it wasn’t until that day with the Overlord that the cycle began. Although finding out he was a robot didn’t seem to bother him, I fear he may have been hiding it.”

“I can’t imagine thinking I was human for my whole life, and being told I’m not.” Pixal looked down at her own metallic hands, “It must have been hard.”

“The team was kind about it. It certainly explained certain oddities around the ice master.” Wu sighed, “Zane used to be my most calm and collected student. Now I fear he is the most troubled.”

Pixal finished the last bowl and sat down at the table, Wu following soon after. “I’d like to get him a therapist.” Wu said, “But I don’t think he would agree to it.”

“I would try to convince him, but we both know he won’t listen.” Pixal sighed, “Maybe I’ll ask Cole. He seems to have a way with Zane.”

“Cole is the most grounded of the team.” Wu nodded, “He might be able to help.”

“I hope he can. For Zane’s sake.”

When Pixal asked Cole to talk to Zane, Cole had immediately agreed. Now, he was standing outside of the Ice Ninja’s room and knocking. “Zane? Can I talk to you?”

“Come in.” Zane’s voice was quiet, but Cole heard him well enough. He opened the door.

Zane had cleaned his room of the ice and water, and he was sitting on his bed. “Hello, Cole.”

“Hey buddy.” Cole gave him a small smile, “How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine.” Zane mustered up a smile in return, “Do you need something?”

“Nah.” Cole sat down next to Zane, not commenting on the way the nindroid cringed away, “I wanted to talk about the other day. You don’t have to if you don’t wanna, but-”

“Cole.” Zane interrupted, “I’m okay. I don’t need to talk, really. I’m fine.”

Cole sighed, “Zane, normally I’d believe you, but I think that’s what’s wrong. You’ve been hiding so much crap, and none of us thought to talk to you about it.”

“I’m alright.”

“Zane, you literally died, and none of us said anything.” Cole pressed his lips together, “If you won’t talk to us, I get it. I won’t force you to, but maybe a therapist? I know there’s a pretty good one on the outskirts of Ninjago city, she helped my dad after we lost my mom.”

“I don’t need a therapist.” Zane insisted, “My problems are my own, and I don’t need to burden anyone with things that are miniscule compared to the problems of the world.”

“Zane, you died.” Cole shook his head, “You died, and that’s not...That’s not miniscule.”

“I’m alive now.”

“You exploded.”

“It’s fine.”

“You got trapped in Chen’s celler for who knows how long.”

“I’m out.”

“You’ve gone through so much, and-”

“And I’m okay now.”

“You got trapped in the Never Realm for over fifty years.” Cole watched Zane stiffen. “Listen, you need to talk to someone. I don’t know who, but I’m open to it. You can talk to me, or Wu, or Pixal. Hell, I’m sure the others would be fine if you wanted to talk to them too.”

“Cole, I don’t need to. I’m fine.”

“Bullshit.” Another voice made them look at the door. Kai leaned against the doorframe, a frown on his face, “That’s complete bullshit.”

“Kai-”

“No.” Kai’s face hardened, “You’re not fine. Don’t give us that shit, Zane. You’re hurting, we can all see it. Shit, we could see it before your breakdown last week!”

“Kai, quit it.” Cole muttered, casting his friend a disapproving look.  
Kai shook his head, “No. He needs to hear this. Zane, we all care about you, and it sucks to see you like this. You’re stubborn, but we need to get through that wiry brain of yours. You’re scared, and don’t you dare tell me that you’re not!”

“K-Kai.” Zane’s voice was small, “I’m okay.”

“No, you’re not! Stop giving us that B. S.!” Kai looked angry now, and while Cole knew it came from a place of worry, he knew Zane might take it the wrong way.

“Please, I’m fine.” Zane insisted, “My emotional levels are normal, I-”

“You fucking hurt yourself, that’s not normal!” Kai yelled, taking Zane’s arm and shoving the sleeves aside to reveal his fresh wields. Zane’s eyes went wide and he whimpered, effectively shutting Kai up.

Cole stood and grabbed Kai by the collar, “Come on.” he tugged the fire ninja to the door, “Leave him alone.”

Kai looked at his feet, as Cole shut the door “Shit.”

Cole turned around to look at Zane, and his heart ached at the sight. Zane held his arm close to his body as a tear spilled down his cheek. Cole sat down next to him again, “Zane, he didn’t mean to do that. He’s just-”

“He’s worried.” Zane wiped his eyes, “I know.”

Cole gently tugged his sleeve down his arm again, “He shouldn’t have done that.”

“It’s okay.” Zane swallowed, looking up at Cole. “It’s okay.”

Cole watched black ice frost slowly begin to cover Zane’s chest from where his hands were pressed against it. “Zane, you’re going to freeze yourself.” Cole tugged Zane’s arm away, trying not to grimace as he felt the ice cover his own body instead.

Zane seemed to realize what he was doing and horror filled his eyes. He stood up abruptly and stumbled back, “Cole, please leave.”

“What? Why-”

“Please!” Zane shivered, tucking his hands into his jacket, “Just, just leave. I don’t-I might hurt you.”

“You won’t.”

Zane shook his head, “Please!”

Cole could tell Zane was on the verge of another panic attack, so he backed away, “Okay. Okay, I’m leaving.” he felt tears prick his eyes as he watched Zane curl up again before shutting the door.

**Author's Note:**

> Here is the art! https://spinchip.tumblr.com/post/190810181297/am-i-broken-whats-the-chance-i-will-survive
> 
> Thank you Spinchip for letting me write this fic!


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